HA HA SAKURA!
by I-Hate-You-So-Bad
Summary: This is a parody done by two friends; one thats commited to CCS and the other dreads the very thought. Hope You enjoy. Good for a laugh! Rated M for just about everything.


**Authors' note:** We're back with a whole new bunch of ideas for this parody! If you're wondering what happened to the original story, we decided it wasn't good enough. We hope this is more offensive, more risque and quite frankly, we hope for more flames! It's very choppy at the moment for we are really just introducing our characters, their backgrounds and why they are the way they are now. Enjoy!

P.S. We are not pedophiles!

**Disclaimer:** We do not own CCS. Any similiarities between characters and real people are strictly coincidental and we will not be held accountable.

* * *

"You don't know me!" screamed Syaoran to his mother Yelan.

"You came from my womb! I know you better than anybody! This is just a phase!" _I hope_... thought Yelan.

"It's not a phase! It's not a cult! This is me and if you can't accept that, I'll go find someone who will!" Syaoran stormed out of his house, infuriated with his mother. He tried many of his friends' houses though once they realized he was broke and had no money towards their drug habits, told him to hit the road.

* * *

The buzzer sounded and the gates were open for the man standing in the orange jumpsuit. The fresh breeze made him horny and this blue eyes sparkled longingly for the school children he would yet to see. Fishing his cellphone out of the plastic bag which carried most of his belongings, he called a taxi. "Tomedea, please," he replied to the dispatcher and ended the call. The taxi arrived quickly and whisked him away to his destination. A familiar face waited on a corner. Tomoyo, the newly transformed lolita, had one leg up against the newspaper stand, showing what would be her underwear if she had the audacity to wear any. As drool escaped the side of his lips, he turned to look ahead and saw school children waiting to cross the street. Heaven.

Tomoyo, on the corner, showed her goods in hopes to attract the man of her dreams. Which was really any man with a large wallet and a large... well, you know. How did she get here, you may ask? Well, it happened something like this.

_Eriol ran his hands up Tomoyo's back under her shirt. His hands were cold and she shivered as she fumbled with the belt on his pants. Pulling her shirt off, Eriol looked at her training bra with a untamed lust in his eyes. He ran his fingers over the material, touching her premature breasts. "I'm sorry," he whispered apologetically. "I'm not used to this body yet." Sighing with happiness, Tomoyo slipped her shoes off and giggled. Feeling his pants becoming a little tighter in the crotch, Eriol smiled and slowly and gently took Tomoyo's training bra off. "One more piece of clothing that isn't between us, my love," said Tomoyo with confidence. _

_While Tomoyo pulled off Eriol's shirt, he slid her skirt off with great ease. Blushing, Tomoyo sat in her panties and knee socks on her bedspread designed with puppies. Licking his lips, Eriol shoved his pants to the floor, forgetting he had shoes on and kicked them off. Pushing Tomoyo back to the mattress, he licked down her stomach while slowly rolling off her knee socks. Tomoyo moaned in pleasure and laughed once he reached her feet. Not being able to control her reflexes, she kicked Eriol in the face. "Oopsies!" Tomoyo giggled as Eriol checked to see if his nose was bleeding or if his glasses were broken. Laughing a little, trying to overcome the humiliation, he said, "It's okay my little plum blossom." _

_He hurriedly took his underwear off, ready to seal the deal with the girl lying on the bed. Beginning to pull her underwear off, Tomoyo grunted a little, asking for assistance. Staring at the wonderous view, Eriol slipped her panties off all the way and she spread her legs like butter. Hot, bubbling butter. _

_It was in, the deed was done. Eriol turned on her radio trying not to think of wanting more of her and heard Britney Spears singing her hit single, "Hit Me Baby (One More Time)". Becoming extremely turned on, Eriol rolled over on top of Tomoyo as the door creaked open. _

_"TOMOYO!"  
"MOTHER!"  
"OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU'RE ONLY TEN!"_

_"I am old enough to make my own decisions!" Eriol was still on top of Tomoyo, his ass in full view of her mother's line of sight. Tomoyo, becoming more angry at her mother, shoved him off onto the floor. Staring, bewildered, Eriol frantically searched for his clothing but when could not find it, took the puppy dog comforter and ran._

Sakura held her breath as she turned the sheet over. Her mouth, open in awe copied the exact mark she had on the test. Zero. She banged her head fruitlessly against the desk, attempting to rid herself of the "dumb gene" she had so unfortunately inherited. What she didn't know was that by doing this, she made it work double time. So when a classmate asked her if she was walking home, she replied with a dumb look on her face, "Wha-?"

It took a moment... or five for Sakura to snap back into reality. "Oh wait! I have a thing! Go home without me!" Running out of the classroom, Sakura changed into the potato sack bag which was extra, extra large to fit her new shape. All 250 pounds of her. Grabbing her sign from the area she had hid it, she climbed the tree marked for demolition.

"One, two, three, four, tell me that you love me more. Five, six, seven, eight, this tree is looking really great! Don't cut it down! Leave my bush alone! It deserves some peace from the plowing! This is sturdy wood! It's been here longer than you've been alive! You can't cut something down that's so erect and lively!" Sakura yelled proudly.

The construction crew had none of it aside from the few that were snickering and brought her down by crane. It hooked onto her large potato sack and hoisted her down from the branch she currently resided.

Feeling defeated, Sakura walked home. She didn't want to see the tree, limp and on the ground. Walking into the house, Sakura sighed and plopped herself onto the couch with a bag of cheese puffs in her hand.

* * *

The foreigner walked around the town with bewilderment. _School girls... short skirts... knee socks... oh my!_ He was so distracted that he ran into an unhappy local. She was tall and strong, much like one of the Amazons. Her brown eyes glared down at the small, blonde caucasian shrimp. "Hoy!" Mark, the foreigner, said enthusiastically. In a split second, he could feel something hard against his face. Soon the momentum of the punch sent him soaring into the brick wall that just so happened to be built behind him. "Baka!" screamed the gloomy woman before she rushed away from him. Sighing, with sparkling eyes, Mark knew it was his first interaction with "the one". This was just his day!

* * *

Touya walked away, grumbling to herself about stupid foreigners and how they needed to have a leash. Touya was not always a woman, though. It's quite a story to be told.

_Staring at the doctor's notice, Touya smiled. He was going to finally be a woman! The gender he knew he was meant to be! After a long process of trying to find himself, including University and Chef school (which was a mistake from the beginning considering he couldn't cook), he realized his mother was right all along. He was a pretty flower and he was going to make it known!_

Sakura sat on her couch lazily when a manhandled Syaoran knocked on the door. _It's fate_, she thought. Her childhood lover was back again! Little did she know, he wasn't ready for that sort of attachment; he just needed a place to crash.

* * *

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End file.
